8 memorable Best Man jokes I hear while at a wedding

A guest article by Nathan, Dorset wedding photographer at Libra Photographic

Let’s start with a note here that jokes are absolutely not just for the best man. Anyone at a wedding can make a speech; you may have a ‘Best Person’ instead, or the bridesmaids / bridesmen might team up and give a cracking speech which has the room in stitches. Traditionally, the (best man’s) funny speech is the one people are really looking forward to, so we thought it would be fab to share some real life favorites with you – and with fab photos by English Wedding member Nathan at Libra Photographic. Grab a cuppa, and have a chuckle (or a groan) at these golden moments!

Traditionally the last speech of the day, there are already dried tears on cheeks throughout the room and the pressure’s on for the best man’s speech, so where will you start? To warm up the crowd a quick one liner is usually the way to go. The first port of call for anyone preparing a speech is the internet but unfortunately that is the same place that everyone looks.

As a wedding photographer I may be the only one at the wedding who’s been to more than 10 weddings in the past and I do hear a few repeat offenders. Now I have to say that hearing the same jokes isn’t a bad thing, it means that the best person has done their homework and picked what they deem the best for the room.

One thing we must say is that your wedding speech should be considerate of the audience. Do think about the reactions to your jokes from the couple’s parents and grandparents, and please don’t say anything that will genuinely cause offence! (warning: some of the jokes that follow might not win over the crowd for you!)

Well considered jokes are one of the best ways to connect with the room: even if the laughter doesn’t arrive a groan will and that in itself gets the crowd on your side.

This is a perfect introduction to the room and is about the advice you’ve received before giving your speech.

I’ve been informed that my speech should be like a mini-skirt…
…short enough to keep it interesting but long enough to cover the essentials.

If that’s a little too long for you to deliver then how about a quick one liner?

It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.

Suffering from nerves?

I like this one, it always gets a reaction and as a bonus it is slightly naughty but little ones in the room won’t understand it.

Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact, this isn’t the first time I’ve stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

Partner’s nerves

This one gets you on side with one of the newlyweds before going into the other’s past. If that’s your plan it’s a good idea to get a smile from them first.

If there is anybody feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy about what lies ahead, it’s probably because you’ve just married [insert name].

The Groom’s luck

Another gentle compliment for one partner at the expense of the other which works especially well with a bride and groom. It’s not too insulting and both families should laugh.

I have to say [insert groom’s name], just how lucky you are. You will leave today with a wife who is a warm, loving, caring and beautiful. And [insert bride’s name], how lucky you are as well. You are here today having gained a lovely dress and a wonderful bouquet of flowers.

The upper hand

This one’s quite old fashioned but to bring in a bit of participation from a bride and groom this never fails to get a chuckle.

[insert bride’s name]put your hand on the table, please. [insert groom’s name]place your hand on top of [insert bride’s name]’s hand. I’d like to inform you [insert groom’s name] that this is the last time your wife will let you have the upper hand.

The honeymoon

To end your speech with a joke is a risk so make sure that delivery is perfect, if you nail it you’ll manage to go out with great applause. This joke is a risky one (and only really works with straight couples) but at least it is one the little ones will have go over their head while the adults laugh at its naughtiness.

I do hope that [insert couple’s names] enjoy their honeymoon in Wales. I assume that’s where they are going anyway… When I asked [insert groom’s name] what he was doing after the wedding he said he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.

or even….

I’d like to assure you all that we are unlikely to have any problems this evening with any of [name]’s exes showing up. I think they are all out celebrating.

Hopefully this helps a few people on their quest for the jokes to insert into their speech, I laugh at these every time they are delivered well and so do the audience.

For more wedding speech advice and help, please read How to be happy making a speech at a wedding

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